“…If you could look into the future, would you? If you could see it, would you even want to?”
I have been sitting on this corner of the room for four days now, asking those exact two questions over and over again in my head. Does the ability to see the future had actually been any helpful to anyone, ever? Why bother looking at the future knowing that the people you loved are here now? Why busy seeking the invincible, when you already got plenty?
Keeping your eyes wandering into the distance for awhile does make your mind travel far – I wonder what does she think about in between those teardrops. By now, I am guessing that I was the only one in this room who noticed those tiny drops that falling down on her face once in a while – it quickly disappears after a minute. The others are busy, though I noticed that they quietly shed a tear in between conversations. I wonder if one day I could be as though as any of them.
Everyone on her side are fighting for a hand to hold onto, but as soon as another silence starts to creep in, she constantly left out of the conversation. Being physically still for weeks is unimaginably awful, but thinking that she couldn’t spit a word of her own must have been killing her – too painful that I couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes or even to step myself closer to her.
“I am scared of the dark” is what she told me when I asked about her window being the brightest one in this neighborhood, especially at night. I nodded along at the time, but as the evening comes, I could feel now that the weather starts a little bit colder, the lights turn a little bit dimmer, the room gets a little bit bigger, the crowd seems a little bit stranger, and the voice sounds a little bit louder.
As the thought kicked in, I finally found the courage to walked myself forward and sat on her side. Quick for her age, she finally reached my head as she gestured me for a hug. I slowly rest my head close to hers as I quietly whispered: it’s all right, it’s going to be all right..
The Loudest Backyard 