Lately I keep wondering why does our brain always worked a decade earlier at 3 am. It keeps worrying on uncertain things in the future, yet I have no idea if I am going to make it to the next day knowing that my childish-self just let me battled another sleepless night because she refused to let another day comes faster. Yes, she loves today so much that she refuses to let my biological clock and the whole solar-system make the decision on her behalf. It happens often, but today I am exhausted.
As usual, the tick on the clock is on its loudest mode and the crickets are not refusing to chimed in to that sound. I sometimes heard the wind knocking on my windows as the cats said a few hellos on their way. The room is dark, but I still can’t find a way to tricked myself into sleep. Maybe it is not the wisest thing to do, but I should have just given up and let her take the lead like some other nights.
I wonder when will that part of me realized that whether it is a person, a place, or a story she holds on dearly, she will eventually have to let go and let some others filled the narrative. As much as the selfish part of me wished for everything to stays, the sun is finally up and I have to get ready for my brother’s happiest day.
The Loudest Backyard 